I've created a new Blogsite!

I've learned a little more about blogging and have posted my blogsite, which is a little more comprehensive than this site at:

http://www.passion101.com/blog

I am grateful to those of you who have been following me and hope that the new site may serve you in an even greater capacity.

Dr. Adam Sheck

Do Something Fun!

It continues to surprise me that couples pay me large sums of money to
tell them to do things that seem pretty obvious. "Go to a movie
together!" "Go to a concert!" "Check into the 'no tell motel' and
have a quickie with your spouse!" The bottom line is simple: "Have
fun!"

If you'd like some clinical research data, John Gottman, Ph.D., world
renowned researcher on marital stability at the University of
Washington, Seattle, came to the conclusion that happy, stable couples
have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. In other
words, for every negative remark or comment, there are five positive
ones. This develops what Gottman calls a "reservoir of positive
feelings." We "bank" these positive feelings and they help counteract
the negativity which is in all relationships to some degree.

So, you might want to become aware of the ratio of positive and
negative interactions in your partnership AND in your life. I'm not
even saying you need to reach the 5:1 ratio anytime soon, if you're
not there yet. All I'm saying is, you might want to get started.
How? It's quite simple. Take a walk on the beach with your partner.
Kiss them passionately, "Just Because!"  Rent a funny DVD.  In other
words, "Have fun!"

Dr. Adam Sheck
www.passion101.com

You may email this post to a friend by clicking on the small envelope icon below and to the right.

Why Do We Stop Doing What Works?

Couples don't usually come into my psychotherapy office because their relationship is working well. And yet they wouldn't have gotten together or stayed together if they didn't share some positive experiences as a couple at some point in their past.

Generally, the "courting" phase of the relationship is a positive one for couples. This is when everyone is on their best behavior, going the extra mile for each other, really focusing on the other, what makes them happy, what will make them special, what will make them want to be with us.

So we've experienced success in our relationships. We have a sense of how to make them more positive. And yet, at some point in the relationship, we stop doing the things that work! We stop treating our partners as these special, precious, extraordinary gifts in our lives. We start to take them and the relationship for granted. And then we wondered, "What happened?"

It's an old metaphor, yet nonetheless still valid: a relationship is like a garden. If we don't nurture it, feed it, weed it, it begins to wither and die. And we know exactly what to do to bring it back to life. If we begin to do what we did at the beginning, we may be able to resuscitate the relationship.

If you truly want to revive your relationship, re-romanticize it, re-ignite the passion that was once there, you know what to do! Just take a few minutes and remember how you were at the beginning. Remember WHAT you did. Remember what you said and how you said it. Remember WHO you were and HOW you felt being that person.

Make a list of your behaviors, of what actions, what steps you took to make your partner feel special. Maybe you surprised them with love notes or card or special trips. Or perhaps you rubbed their neck or their feet at the end of the day. Or took them to that special place that you shared only with them. Or gave them an hour of alone time, to renew themselves.

Whatever those actions are, consider at least one that you might perform in the next week. COMMIT to it and DO it! And be ready to be thrilled with the results.

Dr. Adam Sheck

www.passion101.com

You may email this blog entry to a friend by clicking on the small envelope icon below and to the right of this post.

Bringing Back The Passion!

There are two approaches I normally take with couples in working to re-ignite the passion in their relationship.  The first is probably more typical in couples counseling and basically assumes that when the couple reconnects through good communication skills and re-establishes emotional intimacy, that they will eventually re-establish physical intimacy as well. This IS often the case.  In sex therapy terms, emotional desire creates physical arousal.

At the same time, the converse often holds true: when the couple takes steps to re-establish the physical intimacy, the emotional intimacy may well begin to open up as well.  Again, in sex therapy terms, physical arousal creates emotional desire.  

Perhaps you have experienced this yourselves?  Can you recall a time when you weren't quite "in the mood", yet your partner was lovingly persistent?  Eventually you might have "given in" and in a few minutes discovered that you, too, were excited and becoming passionate.  

Please remember, these aren't rules or formulas for you to manipulate or control your partner.  These are just suggestions on different approaches to reconnect in mind, heart and body.  Which approach would you like to try with your partner this week?

Dr. Adam Sheck

www.passion101.com